Almost forgot about this

I almost forgot about my blog. I guess I didn't update much since the same things happened everyday. Now I think some things did happen, but I don't remember anymore. Ooooops. I do remember some bits and pieces though.


So track. After our meet with Woodbridge two weeks ago, my hip started hurting. To be more exact, it was the part where my right leg connected to my hip. The trainer said it was just because I was still not used to the exercise and that I lacked strength in those parts. It wasn't anything serious. Thing is, it's been two weeks and it still bugs me. At first it hurt whenever my foot landed on the ground. Even walking was hard. Later on it felt better, but after our meet with Northwood the week after, bam it was back and with a vengeance. It doesn't really hurt when I run, but after it starts kicking in. Because of that my time in my meets got slower. It got even worse at today's meet at University High school. Then again there were other factors, like the fact that it was a dirt track and at a different place. Coach said it was expected since we weren't used to it. I thought the energy "Gu" that my mom used would help, but I don't think it did. Thing tasted like crappy medicine too. Never taking it again. I'm still not close to a lot of my track mates, but I'm starting to talk to them more? Not like I'm going to be here for long anyway.


Lately I've been talking to Jenny more. Since it's summer, she's got practically nothing to do, so I see her online more often. We talk about...things like......I can't remember. I remember Starry Sky, and guys. Yeah. We started watching the anime of Starry Sky together. Love how it doesn't focus on the girl : P She even watched an ep of Gintama with me \o\ She had to go to the farm though, so we couldn't keep up the routine. I'm glad that we get to watch these things together though. Form of bonding.


Yeeeaaaaaaah. I would say more if I could think of anything else, but I'm lazy and sleepy. I'm just gonna go scan that AP bio thing I need to send to my group mates then I'm out. Thank God it's Friday tomorrow. And I had NO homework. How epic is that B)

Another Day

Haven't posted in a couple of days. My schedule has been pretty messed up. Not much happening anyway. I do have a meet tomorrow though. Just had one last Thursday, and my hip has been hurting since Friday. Oh crap I was supposed to stretch..... Ok I'll do it right after I finish this entry.


Lately I've been quite irritable. I have some classmates that get on my nerves for the silliest of reasons. Like my one precal classmate. She's nice and one of the only Filipinos I know in this school; just a nice person. Yet I get so annoyed that she never brings her own Precal book. I don't mind sharing if she forgets, but I feel like she's kind of taking advantage of me. It's not exactly easy for me to bring my book everyday. It makes my bag heavy and it hurts my back, especially since I carry it around all day and bike to school. My bag is 3 times the size of hers, she gets driven to school and she has a locker. I think she can very well bring her own book. I just feel that I'm going through all this trouble for myself and she's just mooching off. Such a stupid reason to be ticked off. I'm embarrassed at myself, really. I get the feeling I've been giving off bad vibes, and that's not a good thing. I'll try to be more welcoming. It's lent after all.
About the being taking advantage off though--- I don't know why I've been feeling that way. Like with the twins. They've been really supportive and also very nice to me, but sometimes I feel weird when they ask me to do things. I don't know if it's just my senior pride or what, but being asked to get stuff from their bags which are all the way on the other end of the track on more than one occasion feels a bit strange. I actually don't really mind, maybe just a bit, but sometimes I wonder. Am I that much of a pushover? I never see them ask other seniors or even juniors, that they've known for a longer time, to do those things. Well, silly thoughts in the back of mind, that's what they are. Oh and speaking of track, I swear this one girl.....I don't think she likes me. According to the twins, she's like...the "leader of the pack" for the girls in track. I've never spoken to her, but whenever we make eye contact, I feel like she's glaring at me or giving me this sort of--- look. I dunno. Paranoia once again.


Well I better sleep early for once. Track meet tomorrow and I haven't been getting much sleep. I almost fell off my seat during Gov. I hope my hip is better by tomorrow!! I want to beat my record! (No matter how pathetic it is)

Limbo

So today was rather good, except for one part, but it wasn't that bad.


Good things first:
I've totally improved my running. This week has been full of good runs. I actually did all 12 laps last Monday. First time I actually did all, and I beat my 1 lap time. It used to be around....3 minutes and something seconds. I got it up to 2:15. Tuesday, I didn't reach Cedar Grove, but I ran up to Myford which was sorta close. And I actually ran the whole way. Yesterday was just an easy run since we had a meet today. I ran 1600 meters, and beat my old time! My last time was 10 something. It was such a sad time that I didn't even bother remembering it. This time I got 9:13. My one lap was 2:08. Sure, I was still last and had to do a solo lap, but it still felt good! The opposing school that came over, Woodbridge, was really nice too. They were even cheering me on. Kind of embarrassing, but still felt great and totally motivated me. The nice thing about being last, is that the applause at then end is totally all for you : P


The not-so-bad thing:
I checked my admission status for UCI and I didn't get in. Thing is, I wasn't surprised nor did I feel bad about it. Like, it seriously doesn't bother me at all, because it's not like I could afford to go anyway. When I found out that Candice didn't get in, I kind of knew that I probably didn't either. The thing is, I don't know how to tell my parents. I don't think they'll get mad or anything, but still disappointing. My cousin Megan got in and she's the valedictorian of her batch. I don't know, I feel like I'll be compared. Not that I'm close to that side of the family anyway. And mom was pretty pissed about my personal statement so she'll probably think that I deserved it. Ok, I don't really think she'd think or say that, but I can't help but think she will. But yeah...I'll just tell them tomorrow.
I'm also somewhat in a bad mood because I'm tiiiiiiiiired. Got home at 7 since I couldn't go home till all events were done. Had homework to do too. At least I studied for my quiz during the meet. Didn't finish my US His collage...but I'll just color it in school. Too sleepy dude. And I totally wasted time chatting with Andrea and Des. Hehe, my bad.


Ugh, spent how many minutes typing this thing. I wanted to sleep before 12 too =__= Ooooh well. Lights out for me now!

Minus Me

It only really hit me now that my batch, my friends, were all graduating like, right now. It never bothered me before, but now that I think it's happening at this very moment--that they're ending high school together, it kind of hurts. It's like I felt my stomach just drop or something. If there's one thing that has always bugged me, it was missing out. It gives me less to talk about with my friends, less to reminisce with them and it keeps me out of the loop. Later on when they talk about their graduation, or just senior year, I'll just be there on the side smiling about it. They'll have jokes and memories that only they will understand. No one will be able to connect with mine, because it was just me. I can't joke about certain things because they won't get it. It will be me saying "I remember when I" instead of "Remember when we". The thought of it is just.....I don't know. Lonely?


Now it's not like I'm the only one that left. Others have as well, but for a longer time. I'm sure they felt like this at the beginning, but they had time to adjust to it all. I feel like I was just suddenly pulled out of the picture. Funny, since I didn't really feel that way at first. I thought "Hey, we were gonna part ways sooner or later anyway." So it didn't bother me in particular. But now.......well.


I guess that's why it annoys me whenever my mom says I try to talk to my friends too much online and stuff. Hey, I'm lonely. What do you expect? At least I didn't throw a fit about moving. Normally, the kid wouldn't even speak to the parents or maybe even try to run away. I came peacefully didn't I? Is it bad to not want to be forgotten?  I'm not exactly miss popular over here. Hell, I still eat lunch alone sometimes. I've never even actually gone out with friends. At least you have friends here. Heck, you've made more friends than I have and get to go out with them all the time. How is that fair?


Ok it's been twenty minutes. I have cooled down. It's that time of the month so I guess I'm being all emotional : P Well, I feel better now anyway at least.

Fall rain, Fall

It's been raining cats and dogs all day. Sadly, it has ended already. I was hoping it'd go on throughout the night and school would be cancelled, but according to my friend, school has never been cancelled. : | What.  Is up. With that. I can't even rely on nature anymore.


Not a lot yet a lot has happened this week. Ooooooh the paradox. Not sure what I want to say first so I'll go in order.


In terms of school, nothing much with my classes. I found out today that I've got a 103 points in Gov though B) Oh yes A+...for now. I was worried actually, since I knew nothing about politics. I barely knew about the one in the Philippines, what more here. Thankfully I'm not the only newb. I thought I'd have a hard time with Econ (ehkon as my friends say it back home) too, but I got more than 100 points there too. So why oh why am I not like this in Bio. I thought I was gonna have it tough, and I am having it tough. Well I sort of am to blame since I got lazy. I could have avoided getting my points so low but nooooo. Thankfully that's my only subject that's down. But I'm actually studying for my AP exam! Working on it...sorta. Apparently it's 50% of my grade or something.


Socially--- I'm sorta getting closer to newer people? I'm talking more to my friend's other friends, which is pretty cool. I'm talking to more people in track too. Mostly girls though. I still only really have like, 2 guys friends. Which I'm cool with. I'm sort of talking more to J (oh god buffoon we both have Js). Sometimes we even walk out of gov and through the hallways together until we need to part ways. C is with us though, of course. But yeah....I'm still not suuuper close to anyone yet. So far my closest friend would be C, but we're not that close. She's somewhat of a loner type. Not exactly "affectionate" like my other friends who were cool with leaning on each other or hugging and stuff. I tried huddling next to her cause it was cold be she stepped aside. I think she thought I was pushing her OTL Oh failure. But S and .....oh snap I forgot her name, are pretty cool with it. This is gonna sound weird, but...I think my friends are too nice. It's not a bad thing, they're seriously good influences. They're the only reason I even read the Bible, and I can learn a lot from them, but I'm just not used to it. Like, I thought I knew some pretty nice people, but these guys are just...WOW. I said "what the hell once" and C was like "you mean what the heck, right? : )" Which, yes, is the better thing to say. I admit that I was wrong, but for some reason when I heard it from her I felt like I killed a puppy. I worry sometimes if she's ok with me since I'm pretty clingy and I'm not sure if she likes that. She's told me that she doesn't like it sometimes when people just talk to her, especially when she's not in the mood, but she's totally fine with me. That gave me some confidence at least. She's always inviting me to her place, and she's always saying "Aw man if you didn't have track you could come to my place and I could feed you!" And I'm all up for being fed. I try not to go over a lot though, because of what happened with mom before. She's not comfortable with me hanging out with girls anymore =__= I've told her already that it's not like I look at every girl like that. It was just that one person. And maybe that person before her but that was different. But really, I don't. Yes, I was wrong for going to her house without asking permission first and maybe I do go there a lot, but it's just that I don't have many other friends to go out with. For how many months I didn't, and here I finally do, so of course I'd jump on it. I only have how many months left with her, especially since she might move for college, so I'd want to get closer to her before that happens. I told mom that, and I think she does understand what I mean. Gaah now I really wanna eat waffles at her place.


Friday I got to skype with 3 of my friends. Buffoon didn't last very long though. Seemed like she had something to tell me but she had to go. Oh the cliffhanger. I've been left in suspense. A was pretty much just making kwento about R. R....what on earth is happening to you. I felt a bit bad though, because earlier on A kept singing pretty much every song they were gonna sing for grad. Yes, I don't remember the songs by their titles so a line or two is fine, but the whole thing isn't necessary. We started comparing our pledge of allegiances and preambles too, just the length and all. She then started to recite the entire Philippine preamble which I had absolutely no interest in hearing. Then she recited the Panatang makabayan. Really, not necessary. So I muted her for a bit. I'm sorry A but I just really didn't care for it. This also seems mean of me, but, it kind of annoyed me that she kept mentioning or making parinig about her birthday. Yes A, I know it's your birthday next week. You don't need to mention it like, 5 times. We know. But then A is A so it's all cool. It's just me really, I've been pretty cranky recently. I'm usually more patient but now it's like....rawr. I think part of it, or most of it is because my prayer life is going down the drain. Really, not having the best relationship with God, which of course is mostly my fault. This brings me to the highlight of my entry!


So it's Lent now, and I was supposed to give up reading manga. That....did not happen .__. I admit to it. I've also been getting lazy with school. I keep pushing everything off. I know I have to do this and that but I make up some sort of excuse. I don't even have an excuse, I just say I have one but I don't. "Ooh it's fine because.....yeah it's just fine." Then today when I went to church with my parents this morning....Wow. The message. Woooooow. So the pastor's intro goes like this "Has this ever happened to you? When you know what it is you're supposed to do--- but you just don't do it?" And in my head I'm just thinking "Oh. Shit." God does it again. He really likes rubbing it in my face, which I guess is good because I never listen unless He does rub it in my face. The service was amazing for me. It pointed out so much about me that was so true! In the paper, the first thing we answered was this:

ACTION requires TRACTION, but the enemy brings DISTRACTION

The four distractions are: Bad attitude, excuses, procrastination, busyness.
Bad attitude, check. Excuses, check. Procrastination, check x1000000000, busyness, semicheck. I could talk on about it but that would take forever. I need to get out of my rut. The reason I'm not going anywhere is because I don't change my ways. I need to start...doing. Quote of my day

"If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done. " Ecclesiastes 11:4

I thought to myself, "Oh shi--oot again". This was so me. Like, for some reason I don't like doing my work unless it's bright out. When it's dark I get sleepy. I mean really what's up with that. I always need to feel like it's a good time to do my work. I can't keep doing that. I just gotta start doing what I gotta do. 

Buffoon, when the video starts working, I will send it to you. You've just gotta watch it. Really. You have to. And hey maybe you can get your family to join in. They might pick something up.


And by the way, it's Kestrel, Archer.  I can't believe you haven't played since then. Then again....same with me. And I sadly do not understand your college talk. But that director sounds nice. Maybe it really is a sign from God. I'll be praying for you. And good job on actually reading this whole thing. I say too much. Ugh.....school tomorrow OTL

Well then

That was totally unexpected. Read an entry my friend posted which was directed at me. It's already 5 days old so I'm sorta late, but better late than never. I'd use this as a reply since I linked this blog to her---wow wait wasn't I not gonna tell my friends? Well she's an exception I guess. But anyway, I already replied to her on fb so no need to use this then.


It definitely brightened my day...night. Whatever. I thought I'd tear up but I didn't. I cried inside maybe? Reminded me why she's my best friend. Made me realize something actually. I thought to never lose a relationship, you'd have to always keep in touch. I was like that with one of my best friends. I made sure I talked to her every weekend or every day if possible. But now I see that it isn't needed. I probably talk to Buffoon every 3-4 weeks, but I've never felt the connection fade. Same with the rest of my friends. I still think about them all the time. Sure I may not know about what's going on in their lives anymore, but I still feel close to them. It'll take a lot more than this to do that I guess.


In short, best friends rock. Really. I will never understand people who say they feel better off alone. No one can live alone. Even Chris McCandless said that. And it took him two months alone in Alaska for him to notice that. I'm glad I didn't.

Oops

Well, I totally skipped a bunch of days.  Not that I really had much to say. Half way done with this week, phew. Ran a loong way today. Ok, didn't run the whole way but I ran the first part! It was ridiculous! I thought we were just running around my school but I think we ran around the city. I remember reaching Sacramento, and Yale, and eventually getting back to my school. The trail was pretty but it was ridiculously long.


A bit annoyed with myself about my AP homework. I misunderstood my teacher when he said we couldn't fill in the boxes of the front page of our homework. I thought that meant that we didn't have to answer the page at all, so I only did the back page. Because of that I only got 3 points. It really annoyed me becuase I get my grades up with my homework. I just lost two points but it really frustrated me. Im at a 70.11 right now. A far cry from a B-. Need to really bring it up. Gonna start on chapter 1 of my review today.


Seems there's a change of plans for college. I thought it would just be me moving here, finishing high school, getting into some college near home then bam everything else follows. Nooooooot really the case. I'm not really confident about getting into CSU Fullerton, even more so UCI. Even if I do get in, I can't really afford UCI and Fullerton is too far. I had my doubts about being able to attend college here, but I thought mom had a plan like always. But hey not really surprised about all this. She tried anyway. I feel bad actually about feeling a bit annoyed about them suddenly deciding to get married. We're already having a problem with my college and they decide to add to it by getting married this year? But I guess they have their reasons. It's good for them anyway.
But back to college. I was actually considering taking a year off. Work, save up, get some experience out there. I really don't think a year is a big deal, sure it's kind of embarrassing. Everyone else is going to be in college while I'm gonna be held back a year, but I can deal with it. Mom says it's a waste though, and a semester is her limit. But what can we do right? Then she suggested going to a community college. Not a bad idea really. I could go with that plan.


Ugh 9:15. I should go back to reviewing for my precal test. It's not really hard though. Just need a quick review. But I do need to finish a chapter of Bio. Seriously. Maybe I'll post a bit again later tonight.